Tuesday, April 22, 2008

The Last Run Around the Bases

I'm still not entirely sure how I feel. Last weekend's Senior Day double header and ceremonies feel distant and surreal. It's as if history was never quite written. I remember my career statistics and overall narrative being announced as I walked across the field to receive a rose and card from Coach but if you asked me to recall anything Matt said into the microphone you would leave me speechless. Everything from the ceremony is a blur. What is normally a teary eyed senior class tribute was somewhat of a relief, and I was all smiles. Maybe it's because I felt disconnected from the moment. I remember posing for photos like the one you see below, but when it was over it was as if I had suddenly found myself stopped at a red light without remembering exactly how I got there.

Maybe it's because senior day was the symbolic equivalent of my college graduation and therefore too much to process as a single event. (The softball team never goes to graduation because we're on the road.) Or maybe it's because cocooning the summation of four dedicated years into a ten minute ceremony seems impossible. Most probably though, it's the fact that there's still a lot of season left. Senior Day may have been our last weekend double header at home but we still have a lot of games this season and as a result it didn't quite seem like time to reminisce.

Whatever the case, I appreciate everything everyone did to make the day occur. Coach received an accolade for her thousandth career win and I'm still eating leftover cookies. If nothing else I suppose I've come to realize that senior day wasn't about me at all. It was in a sense, but if I got anything out of it I believe it's the tangible realization that even though I'm the one who steps up to the plate each game and I'm the one who wears the jersey, what I do as a softball player isn't just me. My at bats are under my control to an extent but the product of who I am when I step up to the plate is the result of everyone who has touched my life in one way or another. If it weren't for all my coaches, all my supporters, and everyone along the way who helped make me who I am today, I wouldn't have been standing in the middle of the UMass softball field and tipping my hat in tribute as the announcer rattled off "my" so-called achievements. I can claim some of what was said but the rest belongs loosely to everyone else. And maybe that's why it's all a blur. After all, that's a hard concept to wrap your head around. As I move from one chapter of my life to another I'm realizing that without everyone there along the way my life would be a lot different.

So thank you. I am honored. And we've still got a long way to go...

Today's band made my list of musical love and adoration because of of their music video for "Rotten Apples." Of course I also love their English flare even though they're from the states. Lose yourself on a western adventure as you watch Voxhaul Broadcast's latest music video.