Why Diane Tucker Might Be A Contender On My "Wouldn't Kick Out of Bed For Eating Crackers" List

Perhaps this is simply journalist humor best suited for those who have read and reread The Elements of Style as if it was the bible, but this is truly one of the most brilliant things I've read in quite some time. In one swoop, Diane Tucker has been added as a potential contender on my brilliant people I admire list (otherwise named "People I Wouldn't Kick Out of Bed For Eating Crackers").

Check out the article below. I'm curious to find out if this is funny to people who don't write.


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She's the female Jack Johnson equivalent in a way, and if you haven't heard of her yet you ought to listen now. Behold Tristan Prettyman.

A Rant On Editorial Integrity

My grandma started buying me Time Magazine for Christmas years ago and I've been a religious reader ever since.  My young college days are filled with many a weekly memory of me sprinting to the mailbox just after the mail delivery person so I could fetch out Time Magazine and begin catching up with the world.  Alright, the sprinting hasn't stopped, and I still look forward to Time, but today I have a rant.

Because I'm at the age where friends are starting to get married and have kids (or worry that they'll never find everlasting love beyond Gloria Estefan) Time's July 13 issue of "Unfaithfully Yours" sparked my interest immediately.  What I read first though, was "Warm Weather Words," a list of reading recommendations for the summertime reader.  I sidled up to my computer, opened up my New York Public Library account and readied my reading eyes and keyboard happy fingers.  Time did encourage a few new holds but I read the word "Kindle" enough times to make me squirm.  The sidebar of eight celebrity "Quick Picks" included five blurbs on the Kindle, including blatant plugs like, "Musician John Legend, who carries his Kindle everywhere he goes..." and a list of other forced mentions.  

This reeks of some sort of effort by Time Magazine's editors to push the Kindle and I don't like it.  Yes, of course, they're trying to stay up on the times and keep cutting edge with technology, but this crosses the line.  I want to know how Time is benefiting from this, other than the fact that they sell themselves on the Kindle.  Has advertising seeped a little too far into the editorial department?  I read "Warming Words" for the cold hard books, not the hot technology update of who reads The New York Times via their Kindle.  

I suppose I have little to complain about.  I'm still excited to settle into the infidelity article and remain thankful that Time is still ticking.

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Now that that's done, check out Brooklyn band A BIG YES... and a small no.  Bouncy, playful and eternally dynamic, these guys serve jazzy ska infused pop worth checking out before passing go or collecting $200.

The Writerly Update

Friends, family, and anyone else,

I have officially completed my first semester in NYU's Master's program. Give it another year and a half and I'll probably be diving into either the real world and/or my Phd. I have more of an update and plenty more blogging on the agenda for the next coupld weeks, but in the meantime here is a collection of some of my more recent HX articles.

I hope you're all enjoying the holiday rush,

Lauren


Restaurant Review - The Williamsburgh Cafe


An Advertorial



A Few Album Reviews

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In the meantime, enjoy the gritty, totally sexy nature of The Kills. Tracks like "Last Day of Magic" and U.R.A. Fever" have become well played gems I will always associate with my first few months spent in New York.

The Kills - "Last Day of Magic"
(I'd like to think that this song was inspired by my Little Tornado nickname. Alas, I don't believe The Kills know me...yet.)



The Kills - "U.R.A. Fever"

A Quick Pause

I don't dare pause too long for risk of losing my forward momentum, but every now and then I step back from eating a cupcake with a friend or enjoying a beautiful brunch only to realize that I might be one of the luckiest people in the world.

I have by no means achieved everything I would like to achieve, but opportunities have flown in my direction in heavy doses and the people that surround me have not only been unwaveringly supportive of my pursuits, but they have helped me enjoy life to the fullest.

Just tonight, as I was dancing home with my iPod pumping my advanced copy of a chart topping artist and breathing in the view of the Brooklyn Bridge by my house I realized that I should keep better track of the little victories. Below is a short list of some of the most memorable moments while I was working during the past couple weeks.

THE 45 KING
This is a man whose work you know even if you aren't already aware of the fact that he's a legend in hip hop. If you know pop culture you've heard "The 900 Number," his track that inspired "Let Me Clear My Throat." I had the pleasure of talking to The 45 King to set up interviews through Tuff City Records, and he's chill.

LYKKE LI
Lykke Li, the Stockholm sensation whose airy hallway voice made its way to America Ting Ting's style, also gave me some of her time. You can see the in print story below, as well as view a couple of the songs you'll probably recognize.




DJ HAZE
Word on the street is that Foundation Magazine is the new Source Magazine, and Foundation has embraced me from the start. I recently interviewed DJ Haze (who has worked with Juice, Lil' Wayne, The Game, etc) and his feature shouldd hit the press soon. Feel free to rate or download his mixtape below.

Download Mixtape | Provided by DatPiff.com

JOEY VEGA
If you know what bombing New York City meant in the 80's and 90's you know Joey Vega. This crucial hip hop legend designed the latest cover for the new 900 Number remix album Tuff City Records is releasing, and he shared a lot of history about the hip hop scene in New York City, a culture he helped create.


Off the top of my head, those are the most memorable career moments since El dia de los muertos at the beginning of this month. It's probably a good representation of the career side of my life here in New York, and you can absolutely expect ascension in the next couple months.

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Before we return to the quick buzz of our daily lives I would like to take a moment to bet my music prediction talents on an emerging artist.

Some people excel in just about everything they try and Trevor "Trouble" Andrew seems to fall in that category. He secured a Burton sponsor in the snowboarding and skate world at the age of 14, and now at 27 Virgin Records just signed him. He's been somewhat of an underground sensation since the release of his EP in 2007, but in the summer of 2009 he's going to release a full length album. Trevor Andrew's mashup krunk rock is different enough to be edgy, humid enough to be hot, and poppy enough to absolutely dominate the radio waves.

Check out "Chase Money" below:

Magazine Meltdown

Radar Magazine recently folded (see Print Is Dead party invite to the left). Time Inc. cut 600 employees, Conde Nast endured a round of layoffs yesterday, Portfolio is struggling, and Men's Vogue just died. The economy is bad but this is the worst time ever in what was once the mostly recession proof magazine industry.

I want to know where the glamour of the magazine industry went. It's certainly not online because no one really knows how to monetize Internet based magazine type content effectively, and I'm not seeing it anywhere else. Apparently it discintegrated in the mist.

I've been told that magazines work better than any other media in the three B's (the beach, the bathroom, and the bedroom). We might be moving toward a Kindle like device that stores video, books, the electronic version of the New York Times, and all your necessary feeds, but you probably wouldn't ever take your Kindle to the beach. If only for that reason, and that reason alone, magazines should continue to thrive.

You can give me the recession but please don't take away my magazines. The best will undoubtedly survive, but when they do I hope these media empires leave room for an aspiring hard worker and dedicated fan.

Always a reader,

Lauren Proctor

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A Fitting Music Recommendation

Tobias Froberg (Bjorn Yttling Remix) - "A Brickwall"

The Donut Man: Still Baking the Old Fashioned Way

The final project in my magazine writing class was to write a profile on someone in the community. I decided to bake donuts with The Donut Man. The result can be seen below.

THE DONUT MAN: STILL BAKING THE OLD FASHIONED WAY

A white van painted with foot tall sprinkled donuts sits outside the tiny donut shop called The Donut Man off of Route 9 in Hadley, waiting to be filled with the next morning’s delivery of donuts. Inside hot glaze dribbles off the rows of skewered donuts like icicles melting off a rooftop. Mike Napolitan, who is 47 and has spent every day for the last six years in this cluttered kitchen, stands a few feet away banging a Led Zeppelin drum solo as he rotates another sizzling batch of donuts with drum sticks. He is surrounded by hundreds of donuts, some complete and others waiting to be frosted, dipped, or filled.
Napolitan, also known as “The Donut Man” is the only baker at the donut shop of the same name. He doesn’t own the shop, but is proud to say he has full control over everything related to hiring, staffing, recipes, and baking.

“I don’t really have a boss,” Napolitan says proudly. “The owner Tony just let’s me run the show.”

At 5’7” Napolitan’s forearms bulge; his upper body swells like that of a strongman contender. The Donut Man’s black size 12 shoes are white with flour, and Napolitan is wearing his usual uniform of corduroy pants and a t-shirt. Except for his constant references to the good ole’ days of real rock concerts, the only signs of Napolitan’s age are two missing front teeth and specks of gray in his jet black hair and stubbly, unshaven face. Often The Donut Man attributes his youthful jubilance to a complete freedom from stress and the desire to stay active.

In the six years since The Donut Man opened Napolitan has never had a sick day. Without him, the store along with a group of local businesses that order from The Donut Man would have to fend off donutless, dissatisfied customers. Napolitan has been making donuts for more than 32 years, and is perfectly content with the fact that he’ll bake donuts every night for at least another quarter century. Napolitan may be constantly moving, but his work record proves he’s endlessly loyal to his employer.

Since Napolitan started baking at the age of 15 he’s made an estimated 1,920,000 pounds of dough. If he continues at the same rate for another 25 years (and he plans on baking donuts much longer than that) The Donut man will have handled more than 3,420,000 pounds of donut mix.

“I’m always on the move, and just can’t sit still,” Napolitan readily admits. It’s his explanation for his life as a baker, the rationale for a room strewn with clothes, and the reason for owning a desk that allows him to stand up while paying bills (a task reserved only for Mondays).

The middle child in a family of five, the Napolitans moved around Western Massachusetts constantly. Napolitan’s life began in Granby but as the family migrated from town to town the one constant for Napolitan was his kitchen.

“By the time I was four I was making biscuits,” Napolitan says. “My mom and dad and brother and sister, they ate them and didn’t say anything so I guess they were alright.”

Growing up, Napolitan learned the importance of innovation. He says his father boasted an IQ of 160 but mostly drank. He didn’t interact with his three kids often so Napolitan was often left to solve his own problems. To compensate for the lack of treatment for a lazy eye (which he learned would be a problem during neighborhood games of baseball) the boy simply taught himself to become ambidextrous.

By age 12, Napolitan was stealing needles from his mother and India ink from school. With it he tattooed a marijuana plant on one arm, a cross on the other. Today most of the ink is faded, but you can still see the beginning of various girls’ initials and a faded cross on his defined forearm.

During the day Napolitan used to walk around warily, his eyes half shut. At night though, he would burst with energy. He slept through school as much as possible and after his freshman year barely had enough credits to scrape by. To this day Napolitan requests his funeral take place at two in the morning, when he feels he functions at his best.
“I don’t know if I was supposed to be born in China or if it’s just the sun, but night is when I’m really awake,” Napolitan says.

After one year of high school Napolitan decided to wake up in time for class and apply himself to school so he could graduate. During his sophomore and junior years he earned honors status, and by the time senior year rolled around Napolitan only needed to take classes until noon. Then he’d depart for work.
Napolitan, who remembers dates with precision applied for a job at Dunkin’ Donuts on Columbus Day in 1975. At the time only five stores existed. Each shop only sold donuts, and they all made its own daily. Napolitan started by cleaning floors, but before long a fellow employee brought him into the back room and taught him how to bake.

“It just clicked,” said Napolitan as he hugged his arms around a huge mass of dough, 32 years after he started at Dunkin’ Donuts. “At the time minimum wage wasn’t even two dollars, but bakers were making $4.50 so I was making a pretty good living for myself.”
Outside of work Napolitan spent most of his time traveling the country and bowling. It was exhilarating to live without a plan, and on spontaneous drives he would find himself in Canada and then decide to drive home again. On other nights Napolitan bowled. A respectable player, Napolitan earned a reputation in Springfield and also gained extra income from professional tournaments. Napolitan was a professional bowler and baker who had traveled to almost every state in the U.S. by the time other people his age were graduating college.

“I did everything I ever wanted to do in life by the time I was 22,” Napolitan explained. “It’s because there are people who act and people who react. And I fall in the category of people who act.”

Napolitan worked at Dunkin’ Donuts for 25 years. He always preferred the vibe of nights, but when a store opened on campus at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, Napolitan jumped at the opportunity to work with students and head the store. He loved the atmosphere, and looks back on it with nostalgic affection.
“I knew what everyone wanted,” said Napolitan about his regular customers in the Mullin’s Center. “I didn’t know them by name, but I knew what they wanted, and they always ordered especially from me because I melted the sugar in their French Vanilla iced-coffees and my iced-coffees never had crystallization on the bottom.”

Napolitan quickly bonded with the college students who frequented his shop. He often gave them extra food and let his employees take home frozen bagels. When his regulars were too broke to pay sometimes he would give them their orders for free, paying for them out of his own pocket. Then someone told on him and Napolitan was fired.

Napolitan, whose motto is “never stress out,” didn’t. He thinks his generosity stopped matching Dunkin’ Donuts increasing obsession with the bottom line, and that was alright. It wasn’t long before Napolitan saw a “Help Wanted” sign on the outside of an old bank being converted into a donut shop.

It’s been six years since Napolitan first cussed out his boss about the baking equipment he was introduced to his first day at The Donut Man.
“I took one look at the donut cutter and told my boss that he had to choose between the machine and me. So they took that machine right out to the dumpster and I went and bought my own cutters for $29.95. Now we’re one of the only places left that hand-cuts almost every donut we make.”

The kitchen in the Donut Man looks like a piece of the past. Nearly everything automatic has been unplugged for years. The scale, which most donut bakers use religiously, serves as a resting place for piles of boxes and donut mix. Unlike mixers made with gates and safety buttons, The Donut Man’s mixer is an antique that allows him to pour water directly into the vat of dough. Even Napolitan’s small boom box that blasts rock every night is a prize he won from Dunkin’ Donuts decades ago.

The Donut Man cooks with real cinnamon and genuine sugar. Recipes for donuts and orders from other stores are scribbled on napkins and taped to the side of an oven where they bake bagels because Napolitan refuses to sit down long enough to learn to use his computer.

Napolitan finishes his shift around five a.m. every morning. Usually he’ll sleep for a half hour in his truck and then drive down the street a couple blocks to his house. In the winter Napolitan will chop wood with his landlord to heat the house. When summer rolls around he’ll tend to his garden and ride his bike to his mom’s house in Springfield. Then he’ll check off a list of chores at the bank, the store, or the post office. Around four in the afternoon Napolitan starts to get sleepy again, so he’ll head to bed and set his alarm to start again by 9:30 at night.

Whether Napolitan is at work or on errands, he never sits down. He’s always moving, always looking for an excuse to strike up a conversation. Whether he’s talking to a local judge or a small child, Napolitan treats them like an equal. After all, they all eat the same donuts, and most people in his side of Hadley can pick him out of a crowd.

“It doesn’t matter what I do, I always smell like a donut,” said Napolitan laughing. “It just gives me a way. I gave up getting the smell off years ago. I mean, I can take six showers and I still smell like donuts. And everyone on this side of town knows me, so when I ride my antique Lotus Éclair bike and then walk in to the post office or the bank everyone knows it.” Wherever Napolitan goes he will always be The Donut Man.

Currently listening to The Fireflies.