The Way That Dreams Come True

I spent the night weaving in and out of the roads surrounding Bleecker Street and thinking about the way dreams come true.

I'm not sure how it happened, or even if I was aiming in this direction my entire life, but as I walked anonymously through the waves of sound seeping out of restaurants and bars, I realized that I am living the life I've always aspired toward.

That's not to say that I've always wanted to live in New York City. In fact, I grew up in a tiny California beach town and swore I'd move to a smaller place right about when the pizza delivery man started taking our orders all the way to our house. New York City is a long way off from the country life I'd imagined or the future pirate career I'd envisioned, but somewhere along the way something in life lured me here and now it feels perfect.

Sure, we always want bigger apartments and smaller challenges, but New York City breathes something indescribable. I've stumbled into my the life of my dreams and hopefully within a year I will be able to say that I make my living making other people's dreams come true.

How? That's something I'm starting to figure out. But trust me, this dream will come true.

8 Beautiful Reasons to Love the Rain

There's something about rain. It's magical in this indescribable way, like something that feels best bundled up and kept somewhere safe. The soothing pitter patter is keeping me awake tonight/this morning, and so I feel compelled to explain my fondness through a partial list of reasons why I love the rain.

1. Rain makes spinning in the streets not only acceptable, but also nearly irresistible.

2. In addition to playing in the rain, I've recently become quite fond of drinking juice or ice water as I meander up and down my New York City block as if it weren't raining. Maybe it has something to do with carrying a glass on the road as if the entire city were my kitchen, but I also think there's something grand about strolling around and leisurely drinking as rain water falls and mixes in my drink. There's something about the situation that feels circular and complete, like the cycle of life on a really small, seemingly effortless scale.

3. There's a point when we totally and completely surrender ourselves to getting wet in a storm. I'm intensely in love with that sudden loose feeling and the realization that letting go and getting wet doesn't hurt after all.

4. When you don't feel like frolicking about, introversion is perfectly acceptable in the rain.

5. I once waded through a flooded area unprompted in a Massachusetts sleet storm and pushed a panicked woman and her floating van to a place where her wheels could grip the road again (about 50 feet). Other people were having similar problems so I spent the evening wading about with numb, bright red legs and a chest so happy I didn't care about being soaked to the bone in the sleeting rain. I think I only told one person (until today), but it was invigorating, like helping people find themselves in a really small way. Rain always makes me think of that rush.

6. It also makes me think of hot chocolate.

7. And Billie Meyers' song "Kiss the Rain," which I like even though I shouldn't admit that fact to anyone.

8. I like the soothing musicality of rain in the way that it violates all conventions for time signature and music theory. It's just there and constant. Then it's gone, only to return on its own time. It's to be enjoyed and appreciated, but not relied on or taken for granted. Maybe like friends or life.

I suppose that pitter patter against the cement in my courtyard is in fact there to remind me of something. No wonder I don't want to do anything but listen.

How You Can Make A Video To Connect With The World

The days of YouTube stunts like the guy who catches glasses with his face are over. Sure, if you can backflip into your Levi's you might garner a little attention, but what will really get people to pay attention is a story. We're wired for stories always will be. So when you make your next video or start your next creative advertising campaign give people a story to latch onto. It brings meaning, starts conversations, and makes you memorable.

The 2009 Cannes Festival Winner "Signs" is a prime example. Check it out and then tell your story. With it you can connect with the world.

***

MUSIC RECOMMENDATION: The Lovely Feathers - "Lowiza"

To BE That Feeling

I read Aimee Bender's The Girl in the Flammable Skirt yesterday and by page eight I was messaging my favorite reading buddy.  "Have you ever read any Aimee Bender?" I asked.  When she asked me if I recommended her my response was emphatic.  Then I admitted that I was on page eight.  

But like hearing the first few measures of a great song for the first time, it didn't take long before I felt rhythm and voice slip into the marrow of my bones.  Art is beautiful like that.  In an instant it can sweep you off your feet, fill you with happiness, and stick with you forever.

I justified my especially early reading recommendation with some version of that feeling.  Then I thought about the first time I heard the intro to a song that to this day smears a grin on my face and leads me directly to my dancing shoes.   

I wonder, what if you could BE that feeling?  You'd jump around all day from place to place, filling people with a contentedness so good they sometimes can't find words for it.  I suppose sometimes late at night, you'd long for something deeper.  But to be that feeling to be savored, to exist as a thing so pure and reliable.  Your only need would be happiness, and it would always come because you could provide it for everyone you touched.  

I can't stop thinking about that.  And I can't stop listening to The Portland Cello Project's collaboration with Thao called "Tallymarks."  Both The Portland Cello Project and Thao are brilliant, I'm sure.

Ode to Music

I remember the moment when I burned my first CD vividly, as if I knew on that day in eighth grade that that song filled gold Memorex would change my life forever.

Those were the days when most of my friends didn't have Internet. I was connecting with a screeching modem via the phone line, and my CD burner was a purple external drive that I hooked to my high tech laptop's single USB port so it could hum like a small lawnmower.

I spent many sleepless nights those days, watching songs creep to download completion off of sites like Audio Galaxy or Napster. Legal talks of how this would affect the music industry hadn't even arisen yet and I was surrounded by real albums of Everclear and Bare Naked Ladies while sprinting for the radio every time a favorite song came up so I could start recording artists like the Red Hot Chili Peppers or Right Said Fredd onto my totally custom, radio generated mixed tape in the second measure or so.

Music has always been a focal point in my life, but I don't think I realized it until the day when I burned my first CD. I was on my way to an athletic practice at Judkin's Junior High and I wanted to ride my BMX with headphones on so that I could pedal fast to all my favorite songs.

Rather than fill my album with just my favorite songs though (like Nelly, Right Said Fredd's "I'm Too Sexy," Excellence's version of "Kiss-a-licious," and "Celebrate"), I also chose songs that I thought would make me seem cool, like The Gourds' version of "Gin and Juice" and Gillette's techno banger "Does Anybody Want to Have Sex Tonight."

When the humming of my purple external burner stopped I remember ejecting the warm disc and writing on it in red ink. My handwriting was careful, and I listed some of my favorite songs and then proudly wrote, "Proctor's First Mix CD" on the front before waving it around to dry and then popping it into my purple and yellow 40 second shock proof portable CD player.

When I rode my bike I felt cool, but more than that, I felt something deep inside me that I had never felt before. My burned CD boasted a partial song (oh, the early, unregulated days of file sharing) and nine songs of pure bliss before spinning out and messing up. I knew it was messed up before I even got to practice, but as soon as I got to the gym I remember squealing with delight. I hard burned my first CD and I could carry whatever songs I wanted to with me wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted.

I think I knew (without really knowing) just how important music was becoming to me. Music has a way of making you feel in ways that are sometimes more truthful, complete, and intimate than real life. I can not think of a single force, other than unconditional love, that is more powerful.

So to all the music that's ever moved me and all the songs that have ever made me realize something important about the world, thank you. May we never give up on music.

***

In honor of this love letter to music, check out A Camp. I stumbled upon them while sifting through the 100 or so press releases I get every week and they're really quite wonderful. Nina Persson (former Cardigans front woman) is one of the band's trifecta, so expect the lure of "Love Fool" with a more sophisticated, delicate sound brimming over with easy melodies. If you like them, A Camp's sophomore effort is hitting the states on April 28, 2009. Enjoy A Camp. Enjoy music.

A Quick Pause

I don't dare pause too long for risk of losing my forward momentum, but every now and then I step back from eating a cupcake with a friend or enjoying a beautiful brunch only to realize that I might be one of the luckiest people in the world.

I have by no means achieved everything I would like to achieve, but opportunities have flown in my direction in heavy doses and the people that surround me have not only been unwaveringly supportive of my pursuits, but they have helped me enjoy life to the fullest.

Just tonight, as I was dancing home with my iPod pumping my advanced copy of a chart topping artist and breathing in the view of the Brooklyn Bridge by my house I realized that I should keep better track of the little victories. Below is a short list of some of the most memorable moments while I was working during the past couple weeks.

THE 45 KING
This is a man whose work you know even if you aren't already aware of the fact that he's a legend in hip hop. If you know pop culture you've heard "The 900 Number," his track that inspired "Let Me Clear My Throat." I had the pleasure of talking to The 45 King to set up interviews through Tuff City Records, and he's chill.

LYKKE LI
Lykke Li, the Stockholm sensation whose airy hallway voice made its way to America Ting Ting's style, also gave me some of her time. You can see the in print story below, as well as view a couple of the songs you'll probably recognize.




DJ HAZE
Word on the street is that Foundation Magazine is the new Source Magazine, and Foundation has embraced me from the start. I recently interviewed DJ Haze (who has worked with Juice, Lil' Wayne, The Game, etc) and his feature shouldd hit the press soon. Feel free to rate or download his mixtape below.

Download Mixtape | Provided by DatPiff.com

JOEY VEGA
If you know what bombing New York City meant in the 80's and 90's you know Joey Vega. This crucial hip hop legend designed the latest cover for the new 900 Number remix album Tuff City Records is releasing, and he shared a lot of history about the hip hop scene in New York City, a culture he helped create.


Off the top of my head, those are the most memorable career moments since El dia de los muertos at the beginning of this month. It's probably a good representation of the career side of my life here in New York, and you can absolutely expect ascension in the next couple months.

***

Before we return to the quick buzz of our daily lives I would like to take a moment to bet my music prediction talents on an emerging artist.

Some people excel in just about everything they try and Trevor "Trouble" Andrew seems to fall in that category. He secured a Burton sponsor in the snowboarding and skate world at the age of 14, and now at 27 Virgin Records just signed him. He's been somewhat of an underground sensation since the release of his EP in 2007, but in the summer of 2009 he's going to release a full length album. Trevor Andrew's mashup krunk rock is different enough to be edgy, humid enough to be hot, and poppy enough to absolutely dominate the radio waves.

Check out "Chase Money" below:

What a Beautiful Day

November 5, 2008. Today is a beautiful day. I've never felt such an incredible collective force of hopefulness and enthusiasm for politics in entire my life. Finding a New York Times was nearly impossible in New York today and there were literal lines of people outside of the main headquarters waiting for a copy of the historical headlines.

Rather than gush, I'll leave it at this. Music does, after all, capture and reflect our strongest sentiments. Punchline captures my sentiments exactly. May you all Barack out to this wonderful world.

You're Serene When You Sleep

The other evening I was strolling along toward the F train on W. 35th Street as the woman ahead of me shrieked into her cell phone. "I did what?" she cackled. I endured a short pause and then cell-phone-talking, perfume-trailing woman revealed what had had her so simultaneously surprised and excited. "You're not joking, I really stood up on the bed in my sleep? We've only known each other two weeks!"

She was appalled but also all smiles and exploding with laughter. When she asked the person on the other end of her Verizon network to explain what had happened again in more detail I realized an important general truth: People love to hear about what they do in their sleep.

Of course everyone wants to hear a little about themselves here and there, but tell someone they mumbled fragmented conversation or twitched like crazy in their sleep and you're bound to receive a response brimming with enthusiasm. An action that would normally cause extreme embarrassment becomes strangely endearing to the sleeper, and you're bound to hear multiple requests to "tell it again."

It kind of makes me smile, how quirky we are.

--Lauren Proctor

***

Today's music recommendation is Jukebox the Ghost. Their keyboard based pop sensibilities will have you flying in no time.

Jukebox the Ghost - "Hold It In"


Jukebox the Ghost "Hold It In" OFFICIAL from Guy Manly on Vimeo

Jukebox the Ghost on WOXY Radio


woxy.com presents Jukebox the Ghost from Soft City Lights on Vimeo
Jukebox the Ghost - "

The Sudden Shelter of Light

There's something magical about finding yourself in a place the moment the street lights switch on to illuminate the night. Like seeing the sun rise against the buildings of New York City as the 1 train emerges from underground on my way to Columbia softball practice, it happens every day but will never lose its power over me.

Maybe it's the idea of a grand system reliably engaging at the exact same moment before the sun drops away, or maybe it's the fact that I tend to find meaning in even the smallest of events. To me though, there's something personal in being one of the few who actually notices the lights turning on.

Blink and you might miss it, but try too hard to see it intentionally and the moment loses its pleasurable element of surprise.

Like glancing at your watch the moment the clock changes to bring in a new day or standing in a liminal space only to find that you do in fact belong somewhere, the lights provide simple solutions and respite. Both reliable and shocking, the lights illuminate our paths as we proceed through the night. Just before we find ourselves lost in the dark, boom.

They're on.

Feeling like part of the moment when the street lamps first shed light on the life below is like receiving a gift. Whether it's mere coincidence or something that was meant to be is beyond me. But being a part of that moment is like finding that someone important has suddenly illuminated your life. Blink and you could have missed it, but for some reason it's there and it's obvious.

It's almost as if you never had to look. It just happened while you were living and now everything is different.

May we all stay illuminated.

-- Lauren Proctor

Photo Caption: A view of the Brooklyn Bridge at an outdoor showing of The Shining.

***

I may be lost (or found) in the lights, but I haven't forgotten your music. I've been obsessed with Joshua Radin's new album "Simple Times" as of late and I feel like it matches the tone of this post, so I'm going to go ahead and recommend him.

He's not particularly obscure, but for good reason. You can stream the album at the link I provided above, or watch the YouTube video below for a faily good live recording of a couple of his songs.

Joshua Radin - "One of Those Days" and "Brand New Day"
"Best New Day" might be my favorite song off the new album.



Joshua Radin - "Vegetable Car"
Based off of a hook that would even convert Dracula, this lighthearted ditty is as sweet as songwriting gets these days.

In Memorandum - The Bracelet Tradition

If you've seen me since January you have probably noticed the spiral hemp bracelet hanging from my wrist. It was a good luck charm, one that I traditionally acquired prior to every season of softball, and now my wrist is naked.

The bracelet tradition started in high school, back before Livestrong and Nike Baller bracelets were all the fad. I had multiple bracelets of that type and rotated them frequently, always feeling like they were an accoutrement of luck. The question of luck was confirmed one day when I slid my hand into home plate. The opposing team's catcher landed on my wrist but her metal cleat cut through my layers of bracelets leaving me with only a minor abrasion.

From there on out I needed a bracelet. It couldn't just be any bracelet, but one that I connected with spiritually, something that made me feel like I could center myself. My freshman year it was hemp, and my sophomore year it was part of a material label that was wrapped around a Brooks Brother's shirt. Junior year I connected with a maroon and white watch band, and senior year I returned to the knotted spiral hemp.

Initially I thought that my bracelets gave me luck and the power to succeed in softball. Eventually I learned that the bracelet was more about life. Each bracelet, just like every year of my life, seems to have taught me a lesson.

Freshman year I learned that sometimes ignorance is bliss, because a new, confident and fresh approach can be unstoppable. Sophomore year about the rewards of quietly succeeding under the radar. Junior year I learned about balance, and senior year was another lesson entirely.

At first the spiraled hemp of my final year of softball was tight. Through its journey the lifted seams faded, the bracelet loosened, and I acquired red and chrome accent colors on one chunk where a friend with Alzheimer's thought we could "spiff things up a bit and make it jazzy." Over time even the red and chrome faded.

My most recent bracelet seemed to have taught me to endure struggle, although in so many ways I am too lucky to claim anything but a charmed life. I slumped my softball season in that bracelet, tried to make everyone happy in that bracelet, realized I didn't have everything figured out about my future in that bracelet, and finally learned that no matter what I would get through.

Now that I am for the most part settled in New York though, I decided to shed myself of the bracelet. It just felt like the right moment, the perfect time and place. Stripping the bracelet off my wrist doesn't mean that I am throwing out what happened while it was there though. I'm not trashing everything and starting with a new beginning. Instead I have learned something entirely different.

I learned that struggle is inevitable, and that sometimes all it takes is endurance and the power to grin and bear it. With enough work and the inevitable luck that ensues, everything will sort itself out in its own time. It might take patience but it's well worth the persistence.

With this past season and this past bracelet I was humbled and grounded. It was a lesson I needed to learn, and now I feel like I can take on any situation with a strong and even headed approach.

As I begin graduate school at NYU, assistant coach for Columbia Softball, transform myself into a personal trainer, tutor, and write, I will succeed. There will be waves that crash and try to knock me around but I will get back up and swim into the current.

I will always keep every good luck bracelet stored and safe but more important, I will preserve the lessons I learned in my bracelets as long as I live. Hopefully they will make me a better person. My wrist may be bare at the moment but I am covered with the lessons I have learned. And maybe, just maybe, I will find a new excuse to wrap a bracelet around my wrist.

Most people will dismiss it as yet another sporty superstition, but you, my dear reader, will know otherwise.

***

Catharsis and Humdrum makes me feel like I just popped in a great rock disc from the late 90s. This band is The Get Up Kids all over again, with a slightly futuristic element. Check out the cover of "Every Breath You Take."

The Five Word Reviews Rant

Welcome to the new and improved LaurenProctor32.blogspot.com. I apologize to any regular readers who were thrown by the disappearance of the old "To Measure Yourself At Least Once" design, but hopefully this is a tasteful and refreshing blast of something new and different. If not, let me know and I'll turn right back around. After all, without you readers I'd just be like that tree of questionable existence, falling in the forest. Enough about change and tree trunks though, let's blog.

***

Five word reviews and six word memoirs, they're so in style right now just about every publication I subscribe to (and that's saying a lot) has had some sort of drawn out praise for brevity. First it was Wired, then the New Yorker, the newspapers, and now Time. Blender Music Magazine hasn't discussed the phenomenon but you'd better believe that they employ brief, bold font reviews above their more "lengthy" 100-200 word critiques of new album releases.

In a society where we are inundated with data our response has been to condense. Japan's best seller list is half cell phone novels and adept info snackers have become the new readers of Tolstoy. Don't get me wrong, I love tiny bits of information that I can store safely in the pockets of my mind.

I also love six word memoirs for their endlessly entertaining and quirky appeal.

I have to draw the line at some point though, and that's five word reviews. Radio news (other than NPR) is infamously inferior because it has no substance other than quick headline type coverage. It's good for a taste or a summary, but it's nothing more. And that's exactly why I have an axe to grind with something that's supposed to convey an opinion in so few words. Granted, I'm not so talented with the brevity, but stick with me here.

I went to see Vicky Christina Barcelona the other day and a friend and I both set ourselves to the task of writing five word reviews. They are as follows:

Women seek love, crazy journey.
Love and lust complexities made human.

Based on these five words I don't think anyone would get a true sense of whether or not they ought to see the film. Without barbaric reaction words like "Meh" or "Eeeks" it's difficult to convey any sort of opinion beyond just a summary. This kind of brevity strips the critic of their opinion, and opinion is the very essence of reviews. I don't mind five word summaries, but when it comes to films lets opt for a combination of that and five star rankings, something that actually tells us whether or not something is worthwhile in the first place. After all, if you don't have the time to read the review in entirety there's no sense in spending time on the actual product unless it's la creme de la creme.

So five word reviews, here's my five word review of you:

Brief reviews, useless without stars.

***

In the spirit of today, check out Dressy Bessy. Their LP Style Review would go like this:

Dressy Bessy
Melodic powerpop led by biting female.
****/ (4/5 Asterisks aka Stars)

Lessons From Chinatown

I am officially a New Yorker. Not only is it the new address, it's the library card, the fact that I walk quickly while disregarding cross walk signs, and most important, the fact that I am enrolled at NYU.

I will explain my apartment search in another blog entry, but as a teaser, here is the outside of my apartment. You'll see that the door is just a grate, but it provides a nice draft.

Totally kidding. (That one was for my parents.) Pictures will come soon, but the apartment search is a little to fresh to review as of today. Instead I'll tell you about a recent adventure.

I spent the day organizing my room and getting distracted with this and that. I have to go to Ikea to get a wardrobe closet (a task I am ecstatic about other than the fact that is an act of spending money) so I am limited in terms of how much I can organize. Slowly but surely though, I am buying the necessary extension cords, etc.

I technically live on the lower east side (Losida for locals) but it's what I would consider wonderfully close to Chinatown. I decided I would rather get an extension cord from a local vendor as opposed to Path Mark so I started walking. I wandered in and out of stores that connected to other stores off the street level and saw many places without even a dollar sign or English number.

I bought my extension cord at a shop with the dollar signs I understood and continued to wander, loving every second of this new and foreign place that was and is so close to my home. I felt illiterate but wanted nothing more than to satiate my curiosity. I wanted to reach out and touch the Chinese characters, absorb their meaning, and taste all the foods I'd never seen.

One second it would smell like fresh fish, the next like steamed rice. There were moments when I regretted deeply inhaling because I was bombarded with odorous trash, but as soon as I smelled a bakery I ducked inside. The long, narrow shop was filled with people eating. I didn't recognize a thing, but saw that the items were only 80 cents so I figured I would try something.

The lady working there in her red v-neck Clima-lite shirt and bright yellow Nike trucker hat (which was, I confirmed, the uniform) looked at me with inquiry, as if to say, "What do white people get when they come to Chinese bakeries, I've never seen one here."

I walked back and forth across the display and saw items that appeared to have meat beside items that seemed pure as angel cake. I opted for something that looked like a gyro roll sprinkled with fine coconut sprinkles and filled with white stuff. Cautious of spending 80 cents on something suspect (yes, I am frugal), I asked the lady what was in the middle. She was nice about it, and answered in a tone that seemed to say, I think the English word for it is "cream."

I smiled thankfully as she put it on a red tray for me before I made my way over to pay. As I got to the front of the line I asked the cashier what one might call the pastry I had picked out, and she answered quite simply, "Cream."

Thus begin my Lessons From Chinatown. Lesson No. 1 goes like this: 1. Learning Chinese and infiltrating Chinese culture is appealing, but it isn't going to happen one dessert at a time (as I had loftily hoped as I ducked into that bakery whose name I couldn't tell you beyond the fact that it contained a few Chinese characters).

It's a lesson Chinatown may have to teach me again. This bakery couldn't keep me away if it tried. My Cream wasn't very sugary like most American pastries, but it was heavy and incredible, the perfect 80 cent dinner. I ate it at home, searching forums for someone who would like to meet once a month or so to learn English so I can learn what a Cream is really called.

***

And although I haven't blogged in forever, I haven't forgotten about music recommendations.

Check out Josh Pyke. The Aussie Acoustic folk artist will have you pensively relaxing, but then smash you out of that space with a shocking lyric here or there.

Through the Vent Door - A History of My Fort

The prospect of adventure has always lured me in aggressively. For me it wasn't just adventure, it was ADVENTURE. I was determined to go all out and to make everything I could grand and incredible. I think in some ways I still live with that philosophy.

I remember wanting to bond with nature, so I smashed berries on rocks for ink and wrote with cattail and feather pens. I even went as far as bringing cattail pens to school, insisting on taking my spelling tests with long pens that made me feel adventurous and rugged. That was just how I was, and I didn't know any different. Everything was involved, ornate, and all out.

Growing up on Costa del Sol I remember countless forts, but there's one that burns vividly in my memory. The fort was underneath a row of townhouses built on a hill, so structurally everything was already there before I came upon it. It was in what I called "the caves" and to get in I unscrewed a vent and walked in to find myself in the most massive fort I've ever seen a kid enjoy. One room was a large expanse, and I called it the master room. The other room, which I called the kitchen, was through a hallway and probably 1/6th the size of the other room.

The kitchen was barely large enough to comfortably fit a row of homemade makeshift cabinets (and an old filing cabinet I found) along with a card table and chairs. I liked to call the wall of cabinets and storage space my "walk-up pantry," and the card table and chairs fit perfectly without anyone getting too near the walls that we imagined were laden with black widows and tangled spiderwebs. Of course because the fort was under a row of townhouses it wasn't ever very bright, but a series of flashlights and lemon-fired-battery-rigged-lightbulb-lamps made us very aware of a dire pest problem that needed to be addressed. Except for the threat of spiders the fort was our sanctuary.

I reacted to the bug problem like the Department of Defense would react to a breach in homeland security. I took a broom and violently swept all the spiderwebs away (a jumpy process that requires the utmost courage) and then scheduled a regular, calendared series of bug spray installments. You'd be happy to know that for safety reasons the fort was given time to air out before we entered again for construction and play, but any given bug spraying outing could require anywhere from 1/4 to half a can of Raid.

The bugs were a constant and fearful battle but once they were mostly controlled I took to leveling the fort's floor. The incline of the room was impeding on our living space dramatically, and I decided there were far too many unusable square feet. There was even a point along one side of the fort that wasn't tall enough for storage because of the close proximity to the ceiling and possible threat of spiders. I dreamed of somehow bringing power machinery into the fort so I could level the floor easilly but ended up slowly chipping away the hill's incline with rocks. I made stair steps, reclining chairs (basically large and comfortable hill indents that I lined with sheets and other various materials), and evened out the softer ground.

When my hand held rock methods became intolerable and I felt I was blessed with enough even floor space for my friends and I to sleep if we wanted, I started in on aesthetic appearance. After all, I didn't want a fort. I wanted a house.

Although I'm sure I took far too many blankets and household accessories during my day (I'm pretty sure I even took potpourri) , most of the mansion's aesthetic adjustments were a direct result of the treasures I found while dumpster diving. There was constant construction around my neighborhood during elementary school so resources were easy to stumble upon. I found large pieces of wood for the flooring and eventually scored on a huge piece of cream colored and nearly new looking carpet. I couldn't imagine why, but it seemed like someone had decided to remove their perfectly fine cream carpet and replace it with something else. I recruited neighborhood kids and friends, and together we pulled the carpet through the vented door via an intricate folding, pulling, and feeding process. My fort was carpeted. I kept backpacks, canned foods, a sleeping bag, games, MagLites, sodas (a friend of mine used to have loads of Pepsi in fridges in her garage and she would take a few every time she came over for our fort stockpile), and much more. At one point a neighbor, concerned with how much I was taking to the fort, even phoned my house to make my parents aware of her concern that I might be planning to run away for good somewhere. My fort was incredible.

Then there came a day when I grew taller. I had to duck through the door a little before I came upon my mansion of a fort, whereas the door before was an easy step in. We still frequented the fort but it was different. My friends started getting boyfriends and we were seeing PG-13 movies like Ace Ventura Pet Detective more often.

One day they started construction on "the caves" around my fort and I was condemned from the space I felt I had built myself. Every time I tried to sneak a peak to make sure the workers weren't raiding my space I encountered a someone on scaffolding and had to leave. When the workers left for good and took their scaffolding with them I went back through the bushes and into "the caves." I was alone but wanted to sidle through my vent door and step on my welcome mat where I usually left my shoes so I could keep the cream carpet clean and undisturbed. I wanted the comfort of the musty, cool air but instead found a sealed vent door. In rage, I pulled out my keychain all-in-one screw driver and tried to peel away the caulked and painted seal. I tried to unscrew the screws holding the door on but found them too covered in stuccoed caulk to make any headway.

I never entered the fort again and I wonder if any of the construction workers ever found out what I had made my second home. Did they take their shoes off at the welcome mat as I had done so many times? Did they relax in one of my recliner chairs and enjoy a Diet Pepsi before sealing the fort for the last time? Or did they go about their job routinely, never seeing the personality and life that my friends and I breathed into my fort house in the span of hours and years? Either way, I still think about the fort. Sometimes I feel its cool air or see something that triggers my memory. I think about the black Nike backpack with the red swoosh that's probably still there and wonder if that Cat In the Hat patch is intact like when I first brought it into the fort. Are there still cans of pineapple and other foods in the walk up pantry, and is there still art on the wall? Or did all that disintegrate when the spiders took over their land again?

In some ways I hope that the pieces of my fort are entangled in webs, somehow supporting new life and making new stories. The fort and everything in it, including what happened inside, is part of my memory. It was part of what sculpted who I am today.

When the vent door was sealed for the last time without my knowing it I was forced to grow up a little and realize that childhood is temporary and memories become just that. They say the most important things in life happen in your absence. Perhaps that is the case through the vent door, looking in on the memory of my mansion of a fort.

***

And now I'll share perfect music for memories, a blues artist who makes the cello sound like Jack Johnson caressing his guitar. Check out Ben Sollee and and groove to his truthful lyrics. Then look for a review of his debut full length album "Learning to Bend," which comes out on June 10th, at Thrill Magazine.

Take a listen below (don't mind the long intro, this video is beautiful and well worth the time), and while we're at it, thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed that long winded window into my past.

Always,

Lauren

Magical Childish Misconceptions

We see the world differently as children. I learned that when I walked through my once humongous Judkin's Junior High only to find that my empire was a small postage stamp of a school. It takes time to process the world and all it's magic, and I've always been amazed by the ways we process and make sense of the world as children. In considering this I've remembered and written out a few instances of my childish misconceptions.

1) I remember the Wednesday night routine just before bed. We would tote the rolling trash can and recycling bin out to the curb just as the street lamps were turning on for Thursday morning pick up. My parents called it preparation for "trash day" so growing up on Costa del Sol I always wondered if Thursday was an official trash day for everyone in the world. I guess I supposed being a trash man wasn't such a bad life. One day weeks, six day weekends, what's better than setting out to rid the world of its trash every Thursday with the rest of the trucks? Then every Friday the world would be clean...

2) I'm not sure whether you would call it stubborn, stuck in my ways, or fiercely loyal, but as a kid I stuck by what I liked. Such was the case with everything from Taco Loco (my favorite Mexican restaurant) to brands of toothpaste. My parents bought Aquafresh and Mentadent and I remember diligently dispensing perfectly equal amounts of each color of toothpaste onto my toothbrush. It was magic to me though, the way the colors could stay separate, unmixed and true. I was convinced that because of the color stripes, that these multicolored brands were top of the line, unmatched dental products.

3) If my memory serves me right I wore pants twice to Elementary School. I thought pants were incredibly uncomfortable and was convinced that I, Lauren Proctor, would be able to live a perfectly normal, professional, grown up life without having to suffer through any sort of clothing that might impede on my ability to run around as if I were wearing athletic apparel. Thank goodness that perception has changed but I appreciate the fact that I was permitted to go through that stage of self expression through shorts.

4) My favorite consideration of how my perceptions of the world have changed since I was younger live in my old journals, notes, and blogs. I was perusing my old Xanga blog the other day and found an entry that I think represents who I was in high school, oh so long ago. It reads...

"Have all of you tried the phenomenal Bubble Tea? I found a recipe to make bubble tea at home, which has always been thrilling to me. I've always loved making things myself. I remember attempting to make Sweet Tarts in the oven at Rachel Byrne's house. Rather than hard glossy artificially flavored treats, we ended up with some sort of tart crispy bread...all natural. At the time I had my heart set on the imitation sweet tart. But now I think I should have settled for the all natural treat. Too bad I didn't get the recipe for that one. I also remember making liquid candy with Nicole in elementary school. Our best client was Katie Wong. God bless her! I actually found some of our candy the other day and took a daring taste. It was in our patented packaging...one of those film bottles that prevents the roll of film from being exposed. Much to my surprise, it was good. Too bad the carbonation was gone and I didn't record the recipe."
-- May 2nd 2004, four years ago to the day. I was already reflecting on my childhood, and already listening to Kings of Leon, a band that would become famous later on.


The way I process and perceive the world will continue to change as I learn life lessons and experience living. Regardless, I believe my recommendation of Greater Good will remain static. The band's full length album "Shake it Till I Let You Go" releases on May 20th, so feel free to take a listen. You'll find yourself tapping your toes and singing along with some upbeat rock and roll.

Click on the banner above to listen to some tunes from the upcoming album from Greater Good.

My Brother's Wedding

My brother Weylin got married this past weekend. I wasn't able to attend the wedding because of softball (we clinched the regular season title) but I'm so proud of him. I wish he and his wife Denise the best of luck, and rather than write much I'll let these beautiful pictures speak for themselves. Unfortunately I can't get these pictures to display as inline photos so you've got to click on the pictures to see them. I apologize for the inconvenience but I think it has to do with uploading photos with such a high resolution.







And of course before I leave you, today's musical recommendation is Thriving Ivory. These guys play edgy rock that sometimes, just sometimes, makes you think of Aerosmith. Enjoy.

The 50 Spot Survey

I just received one of these little surveys via email so I thought I'd publish it on the ole' blog. Why not, right? If you're interested in reading it then by all means do so. If not though, I assure you that my old style of posting will be back soon. Thanks and enjoy the 50 Spot Survey.

1. Do you like blue cheese? Yes, I love it.

2. Have you ever smoked heroin? No

3. Do you own a gun? No, I hardly kill spiders.

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? Can't say I've ever had Sonic.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? I guess I don't go often enough to know.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? I'm glad they exist but I'm not an over exuberant fan of the Frank.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? It's probably whatever shows up from the top of my Netflix queue.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? The first thing I reach for is my bedside water bottle.

9. Can you do push ups? Absolutely

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My 32 necklace.

12. Favorite hobby? Oh dear this is a tough one. I'll name some of my favorites: Music, Reading, Learning, deep conversations.

14. Do you have A.D.D.? No.

15. What's one thing you hate about yourself? Goodness. What a question

16. Middle name? Lauren

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.... I love this song ("Sideways" by Citizen Cope), I should take a shower, I want everything to work out well in the future.

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday... A chile relleno and horchata at Veracruzana (I think that was yesterday). I also gave $10 to a UMass softball related gift.

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Chocolate milk, Slurpees, and Root Beer

20. Current worry? What the future will look like.

21. Current hate right now? I can't say I hate much of anything right now. I'm not much of a hater.

22. Favorite place to be? Dancing in my living room.

23. How did you bring in the New Year? Eating breakfast in La Jolla.

24. Where would you like to go? Somewhere amazing. Actually, I'd love to travel the world.

25. Name three people who will complete this? I'm sure quite a few people have filled one of these out at some point in their life.

26. Do you own slippers? Nope.

27. What shirt are you wearing? An old UMass softball t-shirt that fits me perfectly.

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Yes, they are very cool and slippery. (Disclaimer: I copied that answer verbatim because I liked it).

29. Can you whistle? Sort of. Let's just say the intent is there.

30. Favorite color? I think I like the all the colors.

31. Would you be a pirate? AHAHA. When I was around 3 years old my mom would bring me to work every now and then and the other stock brokers would ask me, "So do you want to be a stock broker just like your mother?" My answer was always, "No, I want to be a pirate." I guess that confirms I was a little weird right from the beginning.

32.***** What songs do you sing in the shower? Whatever happens to pop into my head. I sing an ode to the number 32 before turning off my faucet without fail though.

33. Favorite girl's name? I'm not sure.

34. Favorite boy's name? Again, I'm not sure.

35. What's in your pocket right now? My shorts don't have pockets.

36. Last thing that made you laugh? I thought of a funny pun and got quite a hoot out of it.

37. Best bed sheets as a child? Blue patterned sheets. I also had some leafy ones that look like the current Pottery Barn water bottle pattern.

38. Worst injury you've ever had? Fortunately the worst injury I've suffered is a dislocated hip.

39. Do you love where you live? I would say so. I think I'll always love home.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house? One.

41. Who is your loudest friend? It depends on the occasion.

42. How many dogs do you have? Zero.

43. Does someone have a crush on you? I'm not sure.

45. What is your favorite book(s)? Oh wow. There's a loaded question. Probably The Prophet but my list of favorites could stream from here to India.

46. What is your favorite candy? It depends. I love chocolate, Twix, Fun Dip, Pop Rocks, Crazy Dip, and Score or Heath Bars.

47. Favorite Sports Team? Why UMass softball, of course.

48. What song(s) do you want played at your funeral? I'm not sure if I want a funeral. But after I die I hope the people who knew me will stop to truly listen and appreciate the music both of their lives and in their lives. I believe music is one of the greatest gifts people share.

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? I asked myself "Is it raining?"

***

I mentioned Citizen Cope earlier in my blog so I'll mention him again. Politically aware and in touch with the humanitarian side of music, Citizen Cope has an easy sound and welcoming appeal. Check out the video of "Sideways" below. It's truly beautiful.

Five States In Six Days, and My Unrepentant Commitment to Books

It's been quite awhile since I've written anything and I appreciate everyone's offline inquiries about the ole' blog. I've been aggressively pursuing my last season of UMass Softball and have felt like a touring musician as of late. We've played softball in five different states in the last six days (Florida, Massachusetts, New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania) and I feel like a stained and battered rag. Nothing has been particularly easy as of late but I can't help but think that years from now I'll look back on recent events and consider myself lucky to have learned the lessons I did when I did. It's been awhile since life felt normal and I'm relieved to think everything may soon resume to its natural rhythms. If those rhythms quicken or change, let it be, because in the end it must be for the better. All I ask is that the storm makes me better in the end.

Enough of that kind of talk, right? I promise I'm not normally that dreary. How about we discuss something interesting? I have formally turned one of my casual hobbies into a joyfully relentless pursuit. Typical me, eh? Here's how I did it.

A friend and I have just committed ourselves to reading the entire Booker Prize winners and shortlist. The prize was initially founded in 1969 and each year six authors are awarded the Booker Prize (although I noticed that in 1975 there is only one winner and one shortlisted author and the reasoning there escapes me). In addition to reading the 190 or so fiction works from the Booker list with my friend I have finally committed myself to reading two 100 Best Novel lists. The first is the Modern Library's 100 Best Novels and the second list is Time Magazine's All-Time 100 Novels. Many of the titles on those last two lists overlap and I've read a good portion of the Top 100 lists. But to me there's no reason why I shouldn't be able to thoughtfully converse about and analyze any of those highly regarded titles.

My lists are meticulously organized and I'm ready to move forward. I figure I already read a couple novels a week in addition to the New Yorker, Time, Rolling Stone, Blender, Out, WIRED, Inc., and other periodicals. With some focus and persistence adding another 260 or so novels shouldn't be too difficult. I'll keep you roughly aware of my progress and expect to complete my lists in approximately three years. If you're crazy enough to share the same goal, please let me know. I expect we'd be kindred souls of a rare goal-oriented-even-during-leisure-activities variety.

***

Today's music recommendation is slow, melancholy, but also somehow hopeful. My mom actually turned me onto this artist. His name is Kevin Ayers and his song "Walk On Water" from the album Unfairground is beautiful, transforming a typical "reap what you sew" cliche into sagacious sing-song wisdom.

10 Reasons Why Life is Going Well

The economy may be on the fritz these days and life might be throwing you a few obstacles but today I'll give you ten reasons why life truly is beautiful.

1. Finally, the writer's strike is over. The strike wasn't pretty but at least it's over.

2. Tipsters are saying that the iPhone and iPod Touch prices are due to drop about $100. This sucks for anyone who just bought their gear, but for prospective buyers, enjoy the extra Benjamin in your pocket.

3. I read in Time Magazine that the number of death's in Iraq has dropped significantly since August of 2005. Regardless of party affiliation or ideals, this is undoubtedly a good thing.

4. Artists like Tristan Prettyman and Kelley Stoltz are investing time and money in energy credits and other greener strategies.

5. David Anderegg wrote a tribute Nerds entitled Nerds: Who We Are and Why We Need More of Them. It's been praised by many media outlets, so if you're a Nerd this is your limelight.

6. If you've been upset that 2000 didn't bring flying cars, at least you now have a reason to rejoice with the Swiss. They recently invented an underwater car called the Squba.

7. Heidi Klum says she will open up her home and do whatever she can to help Britney Spears. Maybe Britney will finally get the friend she needs, and Chris Crocker can create a new, happier YouTube video.

8. Even though our world is heating up, some coral reefs are naturally protected from global warming with the ocean's natural thermostat system.

9. A recent study in the Archives of Internal Medicine showed that reaching 100 is easier than most would think, largely due to a new trend of doctors who treat older people the same as they would younger individuals.

10. When all else fails there's always music.

I dare not leave you without a music recommendation. If you're into the cutting edge rock, dance pop I've been recommending The Teenagers are a sure hipster winner. They're a bit more dissonant than you usually hear on the radio, but the group's debut Reality Check has gotten them lots of attention.

The Teenager's song below is called "Homecoming." If you we're a young teen who doted over "Unemployed Boyfriend" from Everclear's Wonderful album then you'll appreciate the dumb sounding satire of this track.

Today, I Live in a Slurpee

I woke up this morning to Monty the radio DJ listing off a series of cancellations. "Just about everything is canceled today due to this terrible storm," he said cheerfully over the airwaves. Then he mentioned UMass, which was only delayed until 11 am.

It had been snowing the previous evening and then the snow turned to heavy rain. I've never seen it pour so steadily in my life, but UMass was determined, despite all the adverse weather, to trudge through the slush. Determined to go to campus with the few brave and worthy students, I cleared off my car and drove to campus in what most closely matches the consistency of a Slurpee. Wet, icy, and uncontrolled, puddles of water with floating ice covered the ground unevenly. Snow is blocking the rain gutters and as a result Weather.com has been flashing with a series of flood warnings.

When I got out of the car the weather was initially a little treacherous. After repeatedly and inadvertently dousing my pant leg in a high puddles though, I realized avoiding total submersion in the water was probably impossible. So rather than complain, as most New Englanders like to do when it feels like they're living in a brown Slurpee, I decided to embrace the weather. You only live once, right?

I put my belongings in a safe, dry place, and allowed myself the type of pleasure kids only dream about. At first the water was unbearably cold, but after awhile my skin reddened with numbness and my clothes began to function as a wet suit. I slid, splashed, sped, and tumbled through the puddles with careless vigor. At one point my friends and I were half swimming through a particularly large Slurpee-like puddle and chortling uncontrollably. For the first time in a long time, I didn't have a care in the world. All my self imposed pressure to succeed was gone and every ounce of my body was filled with joy. Nothing mattered but the moment I was living at that instant, and it felt amazing.

As insignificant as it sounds to frolic through the rain, I think today reminded me of something important. Lately I've been tied to tangible results, success, and working toward achieving a series of specific goals. In all of that, I think part of me lost a sense of pure joy. It had been far too long since I had completely freed myself from what I expect out of myself. Nothing will ever prevent me from losing sight of my goals, but today I realized that no accomplishment really matters if it makes you lose sight of your identity and happiness. It's important to have goals, but it's even more crucial to make sure your goals don't replace who you are as an individual. So here's to living in a Slurpee, if even for a day. I think it was enough to remind me of the importance of letting yourself go with uninhibited pleasure.

I began applying my new perspective by wading through knee high water to help a stranger who was floating in a puddle in her minivan. I pushed her about 100 feet to a parking spot and although she was in a tough situation, we had a great time. Today has me on top of the world, so here's to living in a Slurpee.

***

In honor of a sophisticated and feel good band, I'll recommend The Bird and the Bee today. They have an EP called "Too Many Hearts" coming out tomorrow for Valentines Day, so enjoy. This video is a little bizarre, but the song is brilliant, so check them out.

The Season and The Wait

Brandice Balschmiter stepped onto the Florida Atlantic University softball field yesterday in black and white skull earrings. After months of anticipation, the University of Massachusetts had finally started their season, and Brandice was just one of UMass' players who was looking for a new and improved self.

Most of the team wants their changed selves to show up in the form of more hits and better defense, but Brandice took her transformation a step further. "It's a new look for a new season," she announced proudly in the UMass weight room months ago. New eye black, slightly intimidating earrings, and a new attitude have all helped her so far, and B, as we like to call her, is flinging 72 mile an hour fastballs over the edges of the plate.

Our team started the season ranked 30th in the nation, but we kicked off the year with a loss against number 12 ranked Michigan 1-0 and another one against Maryland. This morning we continued the second day of the 2008 season with a loss against Northern Florida and then a win against 23 ranked South Carolina. We have yet to put everything together, but when we do I think our results will start to improve. Tomorrow's game will be announced later this evening pending the results of other games in the tournament, but we'll most likely play at nine a.m. Then it's back to snowy Massachusetts.

***

On the other side of my life, I feel like I'm at a point where I'm waiting to see where what I've done so far is going to get me. I applied to NYU, Columbia, Brown, and Northwestern. I was also nominated for the Lowe's Award and the 21st Century Leader's Award. I suppose the best thing to do is continue to work as best as I can, but sometimes it's tough to wait without knowing where you'll be in a few months. I suppose it's a reminder for living in the moment.

In the spirit of living in the moment, take a listen to Horse Feathers. Their singsong instrumentals fuse with a low key folk sound. They'll suck you in and slow you down until you're relaxed to the max.